matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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