dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
