do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
