it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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