i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
