It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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