new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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