After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
