I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she told me i tasted like america
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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