who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i drank out of a bidet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
