Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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