The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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