: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
