dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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