I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
