the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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