I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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