Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
