Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
