My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
