remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
