And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
foreskin is a definite game changer
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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