pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
