Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
