yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
