VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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