so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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