Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
