god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Will you blow on my dice?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
