Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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