never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
