We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We had to coat check the pizza.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
