Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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