When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
