Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
