Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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