Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
