i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
