I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
