Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
