I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
