Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
