Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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