hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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