kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my being single is dangerous.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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