I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
