Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
