R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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