I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
