dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
