Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
