Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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