I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
