Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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