I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
