ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
