I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
