i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we made out on top of his cat.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize