filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i dont even know how to be here
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
