a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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