I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
