I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
