just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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