Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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