This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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