my vag is so smooth its legendary
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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