please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
