Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
