her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
